I have a confession. Todd and I have been vehemently trying to move away for the last six months. The best possible place anyone could ever live, in my opinion, is Hawaii, so we have been doing everything we can think of to get jobs there. We even got our Hawaii State Professional Licenses before applying for all and any jobs. I've been putting off trying to have another baby. We haven't been spending any extra money or buying anything, just in case we move and leave it all behind. We decided to give it 2 solid months, and that was 6 months ago.
There's something so refreshing and cleansing about moving away and severing ties with all your old stuff. And to be honest I've been feeling terribly discouraged and demoralized by my life here in Utah. The truth is, every time I've lived somewhere else I've been so excited. And so motivated and interested in my own life. I've been proud of myself for doing something that brings me happiness.
And living here in Sandy, Utah does the opposite to me, and it's not pretty.
The problem is, I'm tired of keeping my life (and uterus) on hold and I think it's time to move on and accept that Hawaii doesn't want us right now. Accept that Utah is home for us, for a while. I think I need to let go of the dream and open my eyes to the beauty that is already all around me. I need to recognize how great life already is, and stop fighting for more.
I just can't figure out how to do it.
The only consolation I have is that we have the rest of our lives to try to move. Maybe now is the time to establish friendships and relationships with family and friends here, and later in life will be the time for branching out. Todd has been very sweet and supportive (and maybe confused) by my need to do and see and experience more in this short life. I'm so glad he and I ended up together.
Wish me luck getting over this. And wish us luck moving away some day-- somewhere far, far away. :)
1 comments:
Hi Britt:
I love reading your blog to see what updates are going on with you! I loved this post! I too have what Scott calls a 'wandering heart.' Luckily for us we haven't had to 'settle down' yet but it is getting close. I too have been trying to convince Scott that we should move to Hawaii and we even looked for jobs. But the stars and the moons have not aligned, therefore it looks like we will be settling in Idaho. Idaho! That's like Utah's little brother, which when I think about it too much it makes my skin crawl. So, long story short. I hear you sister. Enjoy being a mom, focus on a job you had told me you love and your family and friendships.
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